Prestyn has said some seriously hilarious things in her 3 years.
Yesterday's comment took the cake though, and it was definitely my fault.
Stark naked, as usual, Prestyn was searching for a pair of pants to wear. I came in to help and picked up the pair she'd worn the day before.
After I took a look to see if they were clean, I noticed some oatmeal or something on them. I told her, "Oh, never mind, there's some schmeg on these." I tossed them into the hamper not thinking twice about it.
Without hesitation, she said, "Ya, I went to the schmeg store with my Dad and bought some schmeg."
My face hurt for 20 minutes afterward.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Climate Change and its Unsightly Side Effects
This is depressing in so many ways. First, it's JANUARY! Second, my skis are still covered with a layer of 100-year-old shed dust. Third, climate change is obviously a real and threatening situation. Lastly, I'm going to have to pick that turd up eventually.
I feel like my husband and I jinxed Father Winter. We've been abnormally on top of doodie duty. Usually we just give up in November, and spend all of March chiseling poop out of frozen banks. This year, each time there was snow in the forecast and turds visible in the yard, one of us got the poop pickers out.
If we had left our pooh, would there be three feet of snow?
There are a few piles out there now.
I vow to you, that, no matter how much I want to pick them up, I will leave those steamers out there to freeze until March. In hopes of snow.
(Insert snow shuffle segment here.)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Caca, Coin, and Proverbial Cake: The Ease of Cloth Diapering
When I first found out I was pregnant, shocking as it was, I started considering the hundreds of options out there from who would deliver my baby to what I would put on this tiny bum. When you aren't planning to become a parent, the process is extremely overwhelming. There are way too many options out there.
There were no midwives and only two OB/GYNs in town, so that choice wasn't too hard. I knew I would breastfeed - FREE and undoubtedly the healthiest option. When it came to solid food, I knew I would be making all of my baby's food. (That jarred mystery slurry just didn't look appetizing to me, so I didn't think my baby would be psyched on it either.)
One of the most overwhelming choices was diapering. I was 99% sure I didn't want to use disposables. I'm a frugal person by nature, so throwing away something I paid a quarter for didn't jive. And, when I saw the price of Seventh Generation diapers at our health food store ($20/pack) my decision was made. (I can't imagine spending a whopping $2,500 on diapers per child - that's a good start on a college fund!) I began the tedious task of sorting through all the cloth options out there. It definitely wasn't the cloth diapering I remembered, with lots of folding and sword-like pins to terrify.
I really didn't know where to begin. I read lots of blogs and threads on cloth diapering: to soak or not to soak, to scrape or to spray, to line dry or machine dry, to use pocket diapers or to wrap?
So, I bought a few different types. Some prefolds and Bummis wraps, some AIOs (all-in-ones), some various fiber types, from hemp to cotton, which needed covers, and some bumGenius 4.0s. In the end, I liked the bumGenius 4.0s the best. They kept my baby's bum the driest and were the most economical for my family. Overall, my entire set-up was around $325, not too shabby.
And I'll be the first to say that laundry duties did increase with the birth of our child. In my opinion though, adding three more loads of laundry to the 7+ I did each week, didn't make that much of a difference. Once I got the hang of it, diapers were cake!
To add a bit of pleasure for my girls, I also decided on cloth wipes. I figured I was already washing poop, might as well pitch the disposable wipes. I love being able to wipe bums with warm, lavender-scented cotton. It works so well, and it's cheap, cheap, cheap.
Several co-workers were telling me how they read cloth wasn't more environmentally friendly than disposable diapers. I can see you use a lot of water, electricity, and laundry detergent for cloth. But, you don't drive to the store when you're out, do you? Even if they aren't better for the Earth (which I'm pretty sure they are - sounds like an Pampers-funded article if you ask me) they ARE better for my baby. That was my main concern: what's best for a teeny-tiny bottom. I knew cotton couldn't hurt.
Have you ever smelled a full disposable diaper? PEEEEEEEEE-U! At least when my baby's diaper is full, it just smells like pee. What do you suppose is in a disposable diaper to make it hold a litre of liquid? I'll tell you...
Polyacrylic acid is the type of polymer used for super absorbency. According to toxipedia.org, "products containing polyacrylic acid warn of a mild irritation if eye or skin exposure occurs," and it is "not meant for skin contact." Obviously there is a layer of material between the polymers and baby's bottom, but friends have told me they often see the urine-bloated crystals on their child's bum after a diaper change.
And a cloth diaper...cotton, hemp or other natural fibers. And sometimes even organic: can't get any purer than that!
The small mountain town we live in doesn't have many shopping options, so I purchase my diapers online. I shop locally when possible, so I was bummed when I didn't find a source in town.
As I mentioned earlier, I'm a frugal person so I hunted for the best deals on diapers. I found that Cotton Babies had great prices on cloth and also occasionally offered seconds (slightly imperfect, but fully functional), which pleased my pinched wallet.
I was surprised and very psyched to find that Cotton Babies was based in St. Louis, Mo., my hometown! So, in a sense, I am still able to shop locally which makes me feel good about my choice to support Cotton Babies. (No, I haven't been paid by Cotton Babies to say this, they really are my favorite! But, I am entering this post in a contest: click here to check it out and enter your own post.)
No matter how you fold it, pin it, snap it, or hook it, diapering is a dirty job. The time put into cloth is definitely more, but it is incredibly easy and oh-so affordable. In the end, I want to put as much time and attention into my children as possible. I love them, and I want to give them the best I can give. I feel, as far as diapering goes, cloth is the best I have to offer them.
Oh, and one more thing, their big diaper butts are SO adorable!
There were no midwives and only two OB/GYNs in town, so that choice wasn't too hard. I knew I would breastfeed - FREE and undoubtedly the healthiest option. When it came to solid food, I knew I would be making all of my baby's food. (That jarred mystery slurry just didn't look appetizing to me, so I didn't think my baby would be psyched on it either.)
One of the most overwhelming choices was diapering. I was 99% sure I didn't want to use disposables. I'm a frugal person by nature, so throwing away something I paid a quarter for didn't jive. And, when I saw the price of Seventh Generation diapers at our health food store ($20/pack) my decision was made. (I can't imagine spending a whopping $2,500 on diapers per child - that's a good start on a college fund!) I began the tedious task of sorting through all the cloth options out there. It definitely wasn't the cloth diapering I remembered, with lots of folding and sword-like pins to terrify.
I really didn't know where to begin. I read lots of blogs and threads on cloth diapering: to soak or not to soak, to scrape or to spray, to line dry or machine dry, to use pocket diapers or to wrap?
So, I bought a few different types. Some prefolds and Bummis wraps, some AIOs (all-in-ones), some various fiber types, from hemp to cotton, which needed covers, and some bumGenius 4.0s. In the end, I liked the bumGenius 4.0s the best. They kept my baby's bum the driest and were the most economical for my family. Overall, my entire set-up was around $325, not too shabby.
I chose not to soak. The thought of having a poopy pail just plain grossed me out. To my surprise, breastfed doodie dissolves in water, so for the first six months I just tossed them in a wet bag and washed a load every day or two. After that, I used a bumGenius diaper sprayer which worked incredibly well. (WARNING: test the water pressure of the sprayer in the toilet before aiming at the diaper. I've had more pooh showers than I'd like to admit.)
Prestyn in a bumGenius 4.0 @ 1 year
To add a bit of pleasure for my girls, I also decided on cloth wipes. I figured I was already washing poop, might as well pitch the disposable wipes. I love being able to wipe bums with warm, lavender-scented cotton. It works so well, and it's cheap, cheap, cheap.
Several co-workers were telling me how they read cloth wasn't more environmentally friendly than disposable diapers. I can see you use a lot of water, electricity, and laundry detergent for cloth. But, you don't drive to the store when you're out, do you? Even if they aren't better for the Earth (which I'm pretty sure they are - sounds like an Pampers-funded article if you ask me) they ARE better for my baby. That was my main concern: what's best for a teeny-tiny bottom. I knew cotton couldn't hurt.
Have you ever smelled a full disposable diaper? PEEEEEEEEE-U! At least when my baby's diaper is full, it just smells like pee. What do you suppose is in a disposable diaper to make it hold a litre of liquid? I'll tell you...
Polyacrylic acid is the type of polymer used for super absorbency. According to toxipedia.org, "products containing polyacrylic acid warn of a mild irritation if eye or skin exposure occurs," and it is "not meant for skin contact." Obviously there is a layer of material between the polymers and baby's bottom, but friends have told me they often see the urine-bloated crystals on their child's bum after a diaper change.
And a cloth diaper...cotton, hemp or other natural fibers. And sometimes even organic: can't get any purer than that!
Peysli lovin' her bumGenius 4.0 @ 4 months old
The small mountain town we live in doesn't have many shopping options, so I purchase my diapers online. I shop locally when possible, so I was bummed when I didn't find a source in town.
As I mentioned earlier, I'm a frugal person so I hunted for the best deals on diapers. I found that Cotton Babies had great prices on cloth and also occasionally offered seconds (slightly imperfect, but fully functional), which pleased my pinched wallet.
I was surprised and very psyched to find that Cotton Babies was based in St. Louis, Mo., my hometown! So, in a sense, I am still able to shop locally which makes me feel good about my choice to support Cotton Babies. (No, I haven't been paid by Cotton Babies to say this, they really are my favorite! But, I am entering this post in a contest: click here to check it out and enter your own post.)
No matter how you fold it, pin it, snap it, or hook it, diapering is a dirty job. The time put into cloth is definitely more, but it is incredibly easy and oh-so affordable. In the end, I want to put as much time and attention into my children as possible. I love them, and I want to give them the best I can give. I feel, as far as diapering goes, cloth is the best I have to offer them.
Oh, and one more thing, their big diaper butts are SO adorable!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Penny Pinching: How to make money while spending
Staying home is wonderful, horrible, challenging, boring, satisfying, and the best thing you can do for your children. The hardest part of all: affording it.
Going from dual income with no children to single income with two children can be a mind-blowing experience. What the hell did we spend all that money on?
I'm here to spout a few easy tips to make staying at home more cost-effective. Don't get me wrong, I'm broke. But I have figured out how to spend every waking moment with my children (yes, it's as bad as it sounds) and not submerse our home in irrecoverable debt. These are some easy things that everyone can do, whether you are a stay-at-home slave or not.
At the store:
The easiest thing...use coupons, duh! I find myself blocking aisles in the grocery store while I thumb through my binder-clipped strips of printed money. Yes, that's right, they ARE money. If you combine your coupon with a sale deal, you win twice! (It's not rocket science people.) When you sign up for your value card, you give your address. And, creepy as it may be, the store mails you coupons specific to what you buy. (They're the only ones who know how bad our coffee addiction really is.) Our grocery store's website also offers digital coupons that are loaded onto your value card; when you buy the item the coupon is automatically used.
The hardest thing...check your receipt! Not many people do this, but I bet I brought home $200 last year, which I did NOT report to the IRS. You'll be surprised how often something that should have rung up for less didn't. If you take the time to look over your receipt, go back in and point out the error, you may just walk away with $20 in the back of your Levi's. (Yes, the employee who refunds you the money may give you a look of, "really lady, you drug your screaming children back into the store to get your two bucks." Screw his pimply ass.)
City Market (Shitty Mark-up) knows how much they suck at this, so they give you the item for free if it rings up wrong. Unfortunately, if you bought several things that rang up wrong you only get the first one free, and then they just reimburse you the difference. I'd say every other week something is wrong on my receipt. All this takes is simple observation.
When you have a tiny bit of capital....if something you frequently use is on sale, buy more than one! (Duh, again.) My pantry is packed with cereal, pasta sauce, spaghetti and olive oil. If the olive oil is half off, shit, buy 5. Don't forget the family pet either. Our dogs' food was buy 2 bags, get 1 free. I bought 6. Two FREE bags, that's a $100 bucks in free dog food!
At the pump:
Most grocery stores now have a gas pump. City Market is giving one point for every dollar spent in their stores each month; 1000 points adds up to $1 off gas. Not bad if you spend $1000 on groceries each month. We usually average $700 to $800, which equals 70 or 80 cents off gas. Wait till the tank is empty to use those points! (Every other time I fill up, I go to a locally-owned pump. Can't kill the little guy!) And, if you hear on NPR that the price of oil went up, go to the pump if you're out.
At the mall:
Well, we don't have a mall in ol' Gunny. And the two options here I have bad luck with, and can't really afford anyway. The thrift store? Sometimes. (I find they charge entirely too much for some hoochie's Silvers that she wore to the bar, threw up on, then stumbled home in...tripping in the ditch before hitting those stripper boots on the cement path to her bed, which she probably threw up in too.) If you know what fits, and you can't find it locally, search online. Yes, you may strike out a few times, but eventually you'll get it right. (Tip: Don't ebay while intoxicated. It never turns out well.)
Another easy online saving tip is to search for coupons for the site on which you are shopping. I usually find at least a 10% off code for most sites. Some companies are hip to this, and don't offer codes anymore.
And lastly, never buy anything that isn't on sale! (My mother taught me well. Thanks Pam.)
At the butt:
Now that I'm changing diapers again, I'm psyched that I coughed up the money for cloth diapers. I can't imagine spending $20 every week on something I KNOW I WILL BE THROWING AWAY! It pained me every time I threw a dirty diaper in the trash. Luckily that only lasted for two weeks. (That dang umbilical cord just hung on there!) My husband's wallet breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled out the cloth.
A simple diapering pleasure for your baby: cloth wipes. You can make your own or buy pre-made cloth wipes in hemp or fuzzy cotton, and either way you'll save a ton of money. I moisten mine with warm water spiked with a couple drops of tea tree and lavender oil. They smell wonderful and they work much better than pricey disposable wipes, which are treated with who knows what?! We have a wipe warmer to store them in which keeps them the perfect bum-ready temperature.
To save money on cloth diapers, buy seconds! They are typically half the price and often times the blemish is so minor you don't even see it. I mean, come on, your kid is going to crap on it, over and over and over again. Does it really need to be visually perfect?
Amazon Mom Subscribe & Save anyone? An extra 30% off and free two-day shipping, plus you'll send a refill without me reminding you? Don't mind if I do.
At the table:
Another simple thing to loosen the budget belt is buying whole foods and preparing food yourself. My family likes to eat biscuits sometimes, which I haven't actually bought packaged since, oh, college probably. Making biscuits quickly, easily, and much more healthily is super easy! My guess is that a nasty-ass tube of pre-made biscuits would cost around $3. (In the barren wasteland of Gunnison at least.) Make 'em yourself: $1 or less. (Price obviously varies depending on the quality of ingredients. I use all organic ingredients, and it's still super cheap.)
Quick 'n' Easy Biscuits
1 3/4 cups flower
1/2 tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
1 cup milk
4 to 6 tbsp butter
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Mix flour, salt, and baking powder in medium-sized bowl. Cut in butter with pastry cutter or two knives. Stir in milk. Spoon batter onto baking sheet, roll a little to shape if desired. Bake approximately 15 minutes.
At the homestead: If you have the space, a vegetable garden is a huge way to save and eat organic. I started gardening three years ago. I have had crazy, crack-like gardens each year. (I think it's the llama poop.) We plant potatoes, kale, carrots, broccoli, romaine, spinach, radishes, beets, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash and rainbow chard. A lot of it I was able to freeze this year, so we'll be eating kale, zucchini, squash, and chard all winter. Can't beat that!
And, while you're doing all this saving, you MUST drink wine, right? Buy boxed wine, it is much cheaper and lasts a heck of a lot longer (up to three weeks in the refrigerator). The affordable pinot noir I like, Pinot Evil, is $9 a bottle. But, if you buy it in the box, it's $16 for four bottles! Now that's a deal. There are even organic boxed wines out there too.
These are really simple things to do, which most people probably already enjoy. If not, hopefully one or two things can help out with your budget. If others come to mind, I'll let ya know. And if you have any money-saving tips...shoot 'em my way. I could always use a few extra bucks!
Oh, and one more thing, BREASTFEED. It's free. It's the absolute best thing for your child.
Going from dual income with no children to single income with two children can be a mind-blowing experience. What the hell did we spend all that money on?
I'm here to spout a few easy tips to make staying at home more cost-effective. Don't get me wrong, I'm broke. But I have figured out how to spend every waking moment with my children (yes, it's as bad as it sounds) and not submerse our home in irrecoverable debt. These are some easy things that everyone can do, whether you are a stay-at-home slave or not.
At the store:
The easiest thing...use coupons, duh! I find myself blocking aisles in the grocery store while I thumb through my binder-clipped strips of printed money. Yes, that's right, they ARE money. If you combine your coupon with a sale deal, you win twice! (It's not rocket science people.) When you sign up for your value card, you give your address. And, creepy as it may be, the store mails you coupons specific to what you buy. (They're the only ones who know how bad our coffee addiction really is.) Our grocery store's website also offers digital coupons that are loaded onto your value card; when you buy the item the coupon is automatically used.
City Market (Shitty Mark-up) knows how much they suck at this, so they give you the item for free if it rings up wrong. Unfortunately, if you bought several things that rang up wrong you only get the first one free, and then they just reimburse you the difference. I'd say every other week something is wrong on my receipt. All this takes is simple observation.
When you have a tiny bit of capital....if something you frequently use is on sale, buy more than one! (Duh, again.) My pantry is packed with cereal, pasta sauce, spaghetti and olive oil. If the olive oil is half off, shit, buy 5. Don't forget the family pet either. Our dogs' food was buy 2 bags, get 1 free. I bought 6. Two FREE bags, that's a $100 bucks in free dog food!
At the pump:
Most grocery stores now have a gas pump. City Market is giving one point for every dollar spent in their stores each month; 1000 points adds up to $1 off gas. Not bad if you spend $1000 on groceries each month. We usually average $700 to $800, which equals 70 or 80 cents off gas. Wait till the tank is empty to use those points! (Every other time I fill up, I go to a locally-owned pump. Can't kill the little guy!) And, if you hear on NPR that the price of oil went up, go to the pump if you're out.
At the mall:
Well, we don't have a mall in ol' Gunny. And the two options here I have bad luck with, and can't really afford anyway. The thrift store? Sometimes. (I find they charge entirely too much for some hoochie's Silvers that she wore to the bar, threw up on, then stumbled home in...tripping in the ditch before hitting those stripper boots on the cement path to her bed, which she probably threw up in too.) If you know what fits, and you can't find it locally, search online. Yes, you may strike out a few times, but eventually you'll get it right. (Tip: Don't ebay while intoxicated. It never turns out well.)
Another easy online saving tip is to search for coupons for the site on which you are shopping. I usually find at least a 10% off code for most sites. Some companies are hip to this, and don't offer codes anymore.
And lastly, never buy anything that isn't on sale! (My mother taught me well. Thanks Pam.)
At the butt:
Now that I'm changing diapers again, I'm psyched that I coughed up the money for cloth diapers. I can't imagine spending $20 every week on something I KNOW I WILL BE THROWING AWAY! It pained me every time I threw a dirty diaper in the trash. Luckily that only lasted for two weeks. (That dang umbilical cord just hung on there!) My husband's wallet breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled out the cloth.
A simple diapering pleasure for your baby: cloth wipes. You can make your own or buy pre-made cloth wipes in hemp or fuzzy cotton, and either way you'll save a ton of money. I moisten mine with warm water spiked with a couple drops of tea tree and lavender oil. They smell wonderful and they work much better than pricey disposable wipes, which are treated with who knows what?! We have a wipe warmer to store them in which keeps them the perfect bum-ready temperature.
To save money on cloth diapers, buy seconds! They are typically half the price and often times the blemish is so minor you don't even see it. I mean, come on, your kid is going to crap on it, over and over and over again. Does it really need to be visually perfect?
Amazon Mom Subscribe & Save anyone? An extra 30% off and free two-day shipping, plus you'll send a refill without me reminding you? Don't mind if I do.
At the table:
Another simple thing to loosen the budget belt is buying whole foods and preparing food yourself. My family likes to eat biscuits sometimes, which I haven't actually bought packaged since, oh, college probably. Making biscuits quickly, easily, and much more healthily is super easy! My guess is that a nasty-ass tube of pre-made biscuits would cost around $3. (In the barren wasteland of Gunnison at least.) Make 'em yourself: $1 or less. (Price obviously varies depending on the quality of ingredients. I use all organic ingredients, and it's still super cheap.)
Quick 'n' Easy Biscuits
1 3/4 cups flower
1/2 tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
1 cup milk
4 to 6 tbsp butter
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Mix flour, salt, and baking powder in medium-sized bowl. Cut in butter with pastry cutter or two knives. Stir in milk. Spoon batter onto baking sheet, roll a little to shape if desired. Bake approximately 15 minutes.
At the homestead: If you have the space, a vegetable garden is a huge way to save and eat organic. I started gardening three years ago. I have had crazy, crack-like gardens each year. (I think it's the llama poop.) We plant potatoes, kale, carrots, broccoli, romaine, spinach, radishes, beets, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash and rainbow chard. A lot of it I was able to freeze this year, so we'll be eating kale, zucchini, squash, and chard all winter. Can't beat that!
And, while you're doing all this saving, you MUST drink wine, right? Buy boxed wine, it is much cheaper and lasts a heck of a lot longer (up to three weeks in the refrigerator). The affordable pinot noir I like, Pinot Evil, is $9 a bottle. But, if you buy it in the box, it's $16 for four bottles! Now that's a deal. There are even organic boxed wines out there too.
These are really simple things to do, which most people probably already enjoy. If not, hopefully one or two things can help out with your budget. If others come to mind, I'll let ya know. And if you have any money-saving tips...shoot 'em my way. I could always use a few extra bucks!
Oh, and one more thing, BREASTFEED. It's free. It's the absolute best thing for your child.
Friday, April 8, 2011
What else can you get into?
No doubt, you've all heard the term "terrible twos."
Before I had a two-year-old I thought, geez what a bad tag to brand your precious little bundle.
Now I think the term should be "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad two." That's much more fitting for my precious little bundle.
Some kids are mellow, quiet and shy and do what mommy asks of them. They play in their room quietly without making a mess, pick up their toys, and stop when mom says stop.
Other children, like mine, get into absolutely everything and cannot do a single thing without coming close to bringing the house down.
I turn my back for two seconds and Prestyn chews and swallows three pieces of gum she dug out of my purse, opens the fridge and gets some chocolate syrup to accompany the gum in her belly, then colors the side of our house with sidewalk chalk. "Really?" you might ask. Yes, really, all in a matter of minutes.
How am I supposed to fold the laundry and do the dishes when I can't keep her out of trouble for two seconds? If you've ever visited the Nelson abode you now know why its appearance is always slightly lacking.
Last week, she came in from playing in the yard to ask me, "Momma, what's this." To my un-astonishment, I see her holding a moldy dog turd in her bare hand.
She knew very well what it was.
Some days I think my hair could very well turn gray and fall out, at the same time. Then I wonder what we were thinking when we decided to do it all again.
I hope that this time around I get a child with blonde or brown hair, as opposed to fiery red, with my slightly more mellow temperament, instead of my husband's crazy, off-the-wall attitude. (I'm sure I was no angel at this age, but I know for a fact that Lars was a little devil.)
We shall see, we shall see. Keep your fingers crossed for me, my sanity, and my house.
Before I had a two-year-old I thought, geez what a bad tag to brand your precious little bundle.
Now I think the term should be "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad two." That's much more fitting for my precious little bundle.
Some kids are mellow, quiet and shy and do what mommy asks of them. They play in their room quietly without making a mess, pick up their toys, and stop when mom says stop.
Other children, like mine, get into absolutely everything and cannot do a single thing without coming close to bringing the house down.
I turn my back for two seconds and Prestyn chews and swallows three pieces of gum she dug out of my purse, opens the fridge and gets some chocolate syrup to accompany the gum in her belly, then colors the side of our house with sidewalk chalk. "Really?" you might ask. Yes, really, all in a matter of minutes.
How am I supposed to fold the laundry and do the dishes when I can't keep her out of trouble for two seconds? If you've ever visited the Nelson abode you now know why its appearance is always slightly lacking.
Last week, she came in from playing in the yard to ask me, "Momma, what's this." To my un-astonishment, I see her holding a moldy dog turd in her bare hand.
She knew very well what it was.
Some days I think my hair could very well turn gray and fall out, at the same time. Then I wonder what we were thinking when we decided to do it all again.
I hope that this time around I get a child with blonde or brown hair, as opposed to fiery red, with my slightly more mellow temperament, instead of my husband's crazy, off-the-wall attitude. (I'm sure I was no angel at this age, but I know for a fact that Lars was a little devil.)
We shall see, we shall see. Keep your fingers crossed for me, my sanity, and my house.
"Trust me mom, I don't need pants. There's only
a little bit of snow left. The turds will keep me warm."
Thursday, March 31, 2011
45 MPH Breeze
Every spring I forget about wind. And mud.
Come late February I'm usually pining for 40 degree mid-afternoon sunshine. That's all it takes these days, the red line reaches 39 degrees and I slide into my sandals and head for the porch with a book in one hand, cocktail in the other.
Typically I get two weeks of days like that in late march, which go as fast as they appear. When I've finally gotten rid of the winter ghostliness, and a slight tan appears on my pale self, the days are gone.
You're probably thinking, well it can only get warmer from there, right? Wrong. Spring peaks out from the turd-dotted snowbanks only to bring a pleasant dose of mud and wind. Oh, mud and wind, how we've missed you.
This year, we're one step ahead of the game on the home mud factor. We graveled our dust bowl of a backyard last fall, only one day before the first snowstorm. Lars hauled, by hand, 32 tons of gravel. He suffocated the sparse grass blades that resembled the chest of a 90-year old man. And the stout weeds, gone, in one afternoon. A miracle, really.
So I don't have a lot to complain about when it comes to mud right now. I just try to step around it in town, and back off the trail until it hardens. (But, when you're dying to get out and just go for a hike, it's infuriating.)
Today, the "breeze" that was predicted blew open my double-paned doggie door causing every other door in the house to creek open slightly then slam shut. WIND should have been the forecast.
Last year, the wind continued to roar for three whole months. TORTURE! The temperature was nice, but the wind was enough to blow the roof right off your house.
I'm hoping that this year we only have a month of wind, but I'm sure Mother Nature has something else in mind.
Come late February I'm usually pining for 40 degree mid-afternoon sunshine. That's all it takes these days, the red line reaches 39 degrees and I slide into my sandals and head for the porch with a book in one hand, cocktail in the other.
Typically I get two weeks of days like that in late march, which go as fast as they appear. When I've finally gotten rid of the winter ghostliness, and a slight tan appears on my pale self, the days are gone.
You're probably thinking, well it can only get warmer from there, right? Wrong. Spring peaks out from the turd-dotted snowbanks only to bring a pleasant dose of mud and wind. Oh, mud and wind, how we've missed you.
This year, we're one step ahead of the game on the home mud factor. We graveled our dust bowl of a backyard last fall, only one day before the first snowstorm. Lars hauled, by hand, 32 tons of gravel. He suffocated the sparse grass blades that resembled the chest of a 90-year old man. And the stout weeds, gone, in one afternoon. A miracle, really.
So I don't have a lot to complain about when it comes to mud right now. I just try to step around it in town, and back off the trail until it hardens. (But, when you're dying to get out and just go for a hike, it's infuriating.)
Today, the "breeze" that was predicted blew open my double-paned doggie door causing every other door in the house to creek open slightly then slam shut. WIND should have been the forecast.
Last year, the wind continued to roar for three whole months. TORTURE! The temperature was nice, but the wind was enough to blow the roof right off your house.
I'm hoping that this year we only have a month of wind, but I'm sure Mother Nature has something else in mind.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Puddles, porcelain and pointers
I recently took a blog sabbatical, not because my blogging became too cumbersome, but because my brain turned to mush (think mashed bananas) and not a single creative thought crossed my mind for more than two months.
A glimmer of creativity might, yes might, have returned. The sight of puddles on the sidewalk just gave me hope that winter WILL end, and spring could be just around the corner.
In most U.S. towns, winter lasts four, maybe five months. In the high altitude desert we call home, winter sometimes pushes more than 60% of the year, with two full months of subzero temperatures. After reading a Weather Channel article entitled America's Top 5 Coldest Cities, I was stunned that Gunnison ranked second, losing to Barrow, AK. (Who really considers the Arctic Circle part of the U.S. - no offense Alaska, but I don't think you're playing fair.)
Typically, I love winter. Cross-country skiing, snowboarding, hut trips and snowy hot spring soaks make winter one of the most pleasurable times of the year. This is the second winter in 11 long years that I have despised. The first was the winter of 2007/2008, when I was pregnant with Prestyn. And this year because, yes, once again I'm pregnant.
Normally that shouldn't matter too much. But when all you long to do is make fresh turns in tight trees then hit the lodge for a hot cocktail, pregnancy is there to ruin it! No turns, no long soaks or hot buttered rum. Just constant nausea and countless hours wasted with my head in a barf-splattered toilet bowl.
The stereotypical picture of pregnancy is a woman 40 pounds overweight dipping pickles in a gallon of Rocky Road.
It isn't that magnificent for all women, trust me. I typically lose weight from barfing nonstop for months on end. I've never been thinner! But, when sheer exhaustion and rapid weight loss run together, all you get are two flabby, saggy ass cheeks. I bet the last time I weighed this much, or little, I was 14. And my ass was no doubt perky.
While I try to eat as many calories as possible - I just drank a milk shake, and it's 20 degrees outside - I hope that some of my brain cells will return soon. Last week I cut 13 inches off my hair, and the weight lifted allowed more oxygen to flow to my scalp, thus stimulating my brain to blog. Although the pregnancy stupor will probably last another year or so, here's to hoping that I won't regress past the fifth grade mentality I'm at now.
Friends, please keep your toilet clean in case I come over for a visit.
Pointers: Lessons I've Learned the Hard Way
Best thing to regurgitate: Cinnamon rolls - taste the same coming up as it does going down
Worst thing to regurgitate: Grapefruit or apples - not only does it scorch the esophagus, it makes a hell of a splash (it can't be healthy to get toilet water in your eyes and mouth, even though some of it was previously in your stomach)
Avoid altogether: Vomiting in public restrooms - hey, at home it's your own toilet water in your eyes, no biggie.
A glimmer of creativity might, yes might, have returned. The sight of puddles on the sidewalk just gave me hope that winter WILL end, and spring could be just around the corner.
In most U.S. towns, winter lasts four, maybe five months. In the high altitude desert we call home, winter sometimes pushes more than 60% of the year, with two full months of subzero temperatures. After reading a Weather Channel article entitled America's Top 5 Coldest Cities, I was stunned that Gunnison ranked second, losing to Barrow, AK. (Who really considers the Arctic Circle part of the U.S. - no offense Alaska, but I don't think you're playing fair.)
Typically, I love winter. Cross-country skiing, snowboarding, hut trips and snowy hot spring soaks make winter one of the most pleasurable times of the year. This is the second winter in 11 long years that I have despised. The first was the winter of 2007/2008, when I was pregnant with Prestyn. And this year because, yes, once again I'm pregnant.
Normally that shouldn't matter too much. But when all you long to do is make fresh turns in tight trees then hit the lodge for a hot cocktail, pregnancy is there to ruin it! No turns, no long soaks or hot buttered rum. Just constant nausea and countless hours wasted with my head in a barf-splattered toilet bowl.The stereotypical picture of pregnancy is a woman 40 pounds overweight dipping pickles in a gallon of Rocky Road.
It isn't that magnificent for all women, trust me. I typically lose weight from barfing nonstop for months on end. I've never been thinner! But, when sheer exhaustion and rapid weight loss run together, all you get are two flabby, saggy ass cheeks. I bet the last time I weighed this much, or little, I was 14. And my ass was no doubt perky.
While I try to eat as many calories as possible - I just drank a milk shake, and it's 20 degrees outside - I hope that some of my brain cells will return soon. Last week I cut 13 inches off my hair, and the weight lifted allowed more oxygen to flow to my scalp, thus stimulating my brain to blog. Although the pregnancy stupor will probably last another year or so, here's to hoping that I won't regress past the fifth grade mentality I'm at now.
Friends, please keep your toilet clean in case I come over for a visit.
Pointers: Lessons I've Learned the Hard Way
Best thing to regurgitate: Cinnamon rolls - taste the same coming up as it does going down
Worst thing to regurgitate: Grapefruit or apples - not only does it scorch the esophagus, it makes a hell of a splash (it can't be healthy to get toilet water in your eyes and mouth, even though some of it was previously in your stomach)
Avoid altogether: Vomiting in public restrooms - hey, at home it's your own toilet water in your eyes, no biggie.
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| Manifesting Spring! Come on, do it with me. |
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